A Letter To Hunter (I)

Dear Hunter,

I can't believe you've been with us for almost 14 weeks.  January marks the start of our journey with you and November marked two years on our journey to have you.  You are such a lovable baby.  You bring joy to our lives that we've not known until you came along.  You've potentially completed our family and when I look at you and your brother, I find peace in knowing this may be the finished product.  As I watch you grow and learn new things, each moment is marked with great happiness and also a small sense of sadness - it means you're growing up.  Before I know it, just like with Cole, I will be taking you to your first day or kindergarten.  I'll blink once more and you'll be driving, then prom, graduation, college and starting your own life.  I know how fast these moments go.  I know that before I know it, you won't be my cuddly little baby any more, so I hold tight to those moments when you wake in the night.  I cherish the times when you want nothing more than to be held.  I change every diaper, knowing that soon enough, you'll be inspecting every bathroom in Boone and Winnebago county on your own, as I call to you, "Wash your hands WITH SOAP!"

Today marked the end of that first stage - I packed away all of your newborn and 0-3 month clothing.  As I folded those tiny clothes, that looked so small just months ago and so big once we started dressing you in them, I couldn't help but be sad at how fast you're growing.  I couldn't stop my heart from hurting, knowing this may be the last time I box away those tiny outfits.  But, I couldn't help but be overjoy that you're here and you're thriving - you're finally big enough to transition to the next size.  You smile and you talk - and it's in those moments, when you smile at me and Daddy that we realize how excited we are to mark each new milestone with you.  Even today, you started trying to lift yourself up, like you wanted to sit.  You'll learn how to sit soon enough, then crawl and walk.  Soon, you'll be able to form words and tell us your needs and wants.

You are a miracle.  You are our miracle and we love you more and more every day.  I questioned how I could love another child as much as I love Cole.  I wondered if my love for him would diminish to make room for you.  It didn't - my heart grew.  And it grows every day as I love you both more.  It grows when I watch daddy hold you and snuggle you.  It grew tonight when you were so fussy all evening, then daddy got home and held you and suddenly, you were all smiles.  You wanted the snuggle time with him you've come to love so much.

So, as we've marked your first Christmas with us, and you've learned new skills and brought us new joys, I want you to know how much I love you.  And even though there may be moments that I cry, know that I am crying because my heart is so overwhelmingly full of love and happiness that only you and Cole can bring.  Know that I am crying, not because I'm sad that you're growing, but because I am happy you are here to grow.  Know every day of your life how much we love you.  Know how much we prayed for you and wanted you and how worth every struggle, then, now and in the future, you are.  Know that you may always be our baby, or you may become a middle child one day, but you will always be loved beyond your comprehension.

We love you, Hunter Lee.

Love,
Mommy